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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27311446">The Monsters That Make Us Disappear</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsunderei/pseuds/tsunderei'>tsunderei</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Brief Mention of Violence, Brief mention of loss of parent, Established Relationship, Kageyama Tobio-centric, M/M, Magical Realism, Non-Linear Narrative, Some Occult Themes, Supernatural Elements, paranormal horror</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:34:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,158</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27311446</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsunderei/pseuds/tsunderei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kageyama searches for Hinata in a country that is haunted.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>110</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. You're Lost (But It's Okay)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kageyama wakes up in the morning and Hinata is gone.</p><p>His side of the bed is empty. The covers are thrown aside, the sheets wrinkled and slept-in, leaving a space that looks occupied, a space waiting to be filled. Kageyama tries to catch any of the usual morning noises, such as running water or clattering pots and pans, but the longer he listens the louder the silence.</p><p>He assumes Hinata must’ve already headed to work. Until he remembers it’s Sunday. They don’t have work today.</p><p>Groggily, he gets up, steps into his slippers, gives his back and shoulders a stretch. He goes to the bathroom to take a leak and then shuffles slowly from room to room, his sleepy mind becoming clearer and clearer with each empty space that greets him. Hinata is nowhere to be found.</p><p>“Huh,” Kageyama says stupidly, to no reply.</p><p>Maybe he went to get breakfast from the bakery down the street. They’ve spent their Sunday mornings like that before, with fresh croissants and coffee. It’s a reasonable explanation but Kageyama doesn’t believe it. Hinata would at the very least have left a note for him; a cute post-it placed somewhere he couldn’t possibly overlook it – but there’s no note to be found anywhere, not even a hasty scribble on Friday’s newspaper, which is still lying on the kitchen table.</p><p>He goes back to the bedroom to retrieve his phone from the nightstand, thinking it’s best to call him. It’s only when he hears Hinata’s familiar ringtone coming from somewhere <em>inside</em> the apartment that anxiety starts slowly seeping into him.</p><p>Kageyama follows the sound, the shrill dial tone in his ear clashing with the distant, cheery melody. He locates the phone in the entryway, where it’s been left on the small table next to the shoe rack. It’s been placed there so casually, almost carelessly, a temporary slip of the mind. He stares at the vibrating phone for a while without hanging up, his name and contact photo blinking up at him. He’s asleep in the picture, his face half-buried in the pillows, a sliver of early morning sunlight softly draping the slope of his bare shoulder. It looks recent; they changed the bedding to that creamy beige cotton no longer than a week ago. He had no idea Hinata took this photo of him.</p><p>Kageyama hangs up and watches his call switch to ‘missed’ before fading to black.</p><p>His eye catches on the small bowl containing their house keys and realizes both sets are still there. He blinks at Hinata’s pink Vabo-chan key ring, numbly surprised, and hesitantly covers the distance to the front door. His suspicions are confirmed when he pushes the handle down and the door clicks open.</p><p>He stares into the empty hall for a moment before he warily pokes his head outside. They’re located on the top floor, their apartment is essentially a penthouse, and they have no other neighbors until the next floor down. The elevator sits silently at the end of the carpeted corridor, ready to descend should he need it, and the spiraling emergency staircase at the other end is deserted, as it should be. It feels like everyone in the entire building has been cleared out except for him. He’s been forgotten and abandoned up here, at the top of the tower.</p><p>He closes the door again, wondering if Hinata just had to rush out for a quick errand or something. It’s unlike him to leave his phone behind, let alone his keys. Maybe there was an emergency and he simply had to drop everything and run.</p><p>With no way of contacting him, Kageyama decides to go about his day as usual and wait for him to come back. There’s no point in searching the streets in case he should return in the meantime. He won’t be able to get into the building without his keys unless someone’s there to buzz him in.</p><p>He ignores the nervous lump in his chest and tries to get some work done. He scrolls through a couple of emails and half-heartedly signs some paperwork – menial tasks he’d normally postpone until Monday. But as the morning turns into afternoon and then into evening without a single sign of Hinata, Kageyama’s restless worry turns into anxious nausea.</p><p>He sends off a few messages to their mutual friends, even to Hinata’s little sister, asking if they’ve been in contact with him. He carefully phrases his words so he won’t unnecessarily cause a fuss but all of their replies are the same: nobody has seen or heard anything in particular.</p><p>He sits alone in the cold light of his desk lamp at a complete loss of what to do. He’s made the rounds, walked in and out of all the rooms several times, even tried to unlock Hinata’s phone. As far as he can tell nothing has been taken, nothing has been packed, and nothing has been left to clue him in on what’s actually happened. It’s as if his boyfriend fell off the face of the earth, like he walked to the bathroom in the middle of the night and somehow got lost on the way.</p><p>He’s simply gone.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>Kageyama drops his overnight bag on the floor of the unfamiliar room and exhales. It’s been almost forty-eight hours since Hinata disappeared and he couldn’t stand it any longer, staying at home feeling useless.</p><p>Unexpectedly, he found this place thanks to a notepad on Hinata’s nightstand. He was searching for possible answers when he realized something was written on it. The original note had been torn off but the imprint of it was still visible. Some simple detective work revealed an address pointing him to a budget ryokan, only a twenty-minute drive out of the city.</p><p>It’s not a typical place for either of them to be familiar with. They’ve never stayed here, nor talked about staying here. It’s an anomaly in their lives, a completely random name that just happened to show up in their home, written down for reasons only Hinata knows. Kageyama has no choice but to treat it as a clue.</p><p>The ryokan is nowhere near fully booked at this time of year. The place is fairly peaceful so he might as well use it to regroup before he rushes into anything. Hinata is the one who tends to do that – as his counterpart Kageyama should do the opposite. He must stay calm and think things through.</p><p>The room is nothing more or less than what the one-night price promised. There’s only one window, permanently frosted with a duct-taped crack running through it. A small TV sits in one corner, seemingly not hooked up to anything, and next to it is a mini fridge and a water boiler. A table has been stowed away to one side and there’s a small sliding cupboard for the futon. The room is a cube with thin walls and the tatami mats are old, a little flaky around the edges, like they haven’t been replaced in a while. It’s fine for now. He’ll be leaving tomorrow anyway.</p><p>Kageyama drags the table to the middle of the floor and takes out his dinner (a gas station bento), his bottled water, and his phone. His phone has been turned off since yesterday because the notifications from friends and family eventually became too annoying. There’s obviously a layer of suspicion underneath their worry, a portion of blame that’s being pushed onto him as the longtime boyfriend. It’s not unheard of to blame the better half in disappearance cases. Kageyama is aware of this.</p><p>He turns his phone back on, quickly sets it to airplane mode, and pulls up his gallery. He scrolls until he finds a picture from last year, when they went on a trip to Nara to see the deer.</p><p>Hinata stands next to a large buck with magnificent antlers, one of the biggest animals in the park at the time. It was lingering behind the rest of the pack, only observing instead of begging for food, like it was above that sort of behavior. It had approached Hinata slowly and in the end it was eating carefully out of his hand, an animal that was neither tame nor wild. It’s Kageyama’s favorite picture.</p><p>He zooms in on Hinata’s face. He can see the sunlight in his hair and the sparkle in his eyes, even through pixels. He brushes his thumb over his smile, leaves a smudged print on his blushing cheek.</p><p>Kageyama went to the police, the morning after Hinata’s disappearance. He actively asked for help, despite not having much faith he’d actually get it.</p><p>“Missing person cases like these are a bit tricky,” the officer told him, an elderly man with a tired smile and faded laugh lines. He looked like he’d stayed one day too many at the station, stuck with paperwork, and was now just looking forward to his retirement.</p><p>“What’d you mean, ‘tricky’?” Kageyama repeated. “I’m telling you, this is out of character for him. Something’s happened.”</p><p>“You said there aren’t any signs of a break-in or a struggle, nothing’s missing or stolen, and there’s no ransom note – your partner just up and left, apparently.”</p><p>The officer sighed, his chair creaking as he leaned back.</p><p>“Tens of thousands of people disappear every year, by their own choice, because they don’t want to be found or because they want to start a new life somewhere else. I hate to break it to you but you might have to consider the possibility that he chose to leave. He’s a grown adult. I sympathize with you but if he wanted to disappear then it’s not required of the law to search for him.”</p><p>Those words were like a foreign language. They passed through Kageyama’s brain but he perceived them without grasping the meaning. He drifted out of the conversation, instead noticing a dead fly on the windowsill. It was just lying there belly-up, its crooked legs sticking up in the air, a dry husk of its former self. Up until its death it had probably been trying to break through the window and into the freedom on the other side of that strange force field. Kageyama had felt a bit like that fly in that moment. If he continued to butt his head against the window of that police station he’d eventually find himself belly-up, going nowhere.</p><p>The phone dims in his hand, leaving Hinata’s sunny smile in the shadows, and Kageyama takes himself out of the police station and back to his temporary room.</p><p>He was told to reflect on their relationship – on any odd behavior, any problems he hadn’t previously been aware of, any arguments. It was offered to him as kind advice, like it would do any good, like it wouldn’t raise more questions than answers.</p><p>Maybe packing up and leaving just like that makes him look bad. Maybe it’ll seem like he ran away. Maybe what he’s doing right now falls under suspicious behavior, something that justifies the accusing undertone of his friends’ texts. He’s got more than enough money and influence to hire a good private detective and conduct his own investigation, but it doesn’t sit right with him to have a stranger pry into their private lives. He’d rather do this himself.</p><p>And honestly he doesn’t care all that much about what others might think. All he cares about is Hinata. If he really wanted to leave him then Kageyama would’ve known about it for sure. Whenever Hinata leaves he yells at him first, he tells him a piece of his mind and then he slams the door in his face. He doesn’t sneak off quietly into the night; he never does <em>anything</em> quietly. Most importantly he never leaves without coming back to him with hugs and kisses and apologies. Kageyama <em>knows </em>something is wrong.</p><p>Right now Hinata is just somewhere else, temporarily – not because he wanted it but because he had no choice for some reason. He’s lost, and something that’s been lost can be found again.</p><p>Kageyama puts his phone face down on the table and cracks his bento open. He’s going to need fuel and a good night’s rest for whatever lies up ahead.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>It’s early when he checks out. There’s no one in the lobby, no staff moving around, not even any shoes lined up in the genkan. Kageyama shrugs off the feeling of unease and reminds himself that it doesn’t matter. He’ll be out the door in a few minutes and the place has no ties to him at all. This was just a pit stop for him like it probably also was for Hinata.</p><p>Before he leaves he finds the photo of Hinata and the deer and shows it to the innkeeper.</p><p>“Do you know if this guy was here recently?”</p><p>The innkeeper hesitates, eyes darting from Kageyama to the photo and then back to Kageyama. He looks him over for a second and shrugs, vaguely replying that it ‘depends’.</p><p>It doesn’t take long for Kageyama to catch on. With a sigh he opens his wallet and slides an amount of cash across the desk to jog his memory, enough to double the original price of his room. The innkeeper raises his eyebrows, quickly pockets the money, and confirms that someone fitting that description did in fact stay there, just two nights ago.</p><p>“Did he say where he was headed?”</p><p>“Well…” Once again the man glances at Kageyama’s wallet. “That also depends…”</p><p>There’s a moment of pressing anticipation, of impatient greed, and something snaps in the air around them, a brief spark of hot anger. Kageyama reaches out, grabs a fistful of the innkeeper’s shirt, and yanks him closer, pulling so forcefully the desk rattles. He can afford to buy the entire place on the spot if he wanted to but he’s not fucking stupid, nor is he a pushover.</p><p>“What was that?” he asks evenly. “I didn’t hear you.”</p><p>“I –” The innkeeper stammers, fear rising in his wide eyes. “He – he didn’t say, specifically.”</p><p>“You sure?”</p><p>“Well, I – I just – I asked him about his plans, to be polite, and he mentioned something about catching a, um – a bus! A northbound bus!” The poor man flails a little, his face red. “But that’s it! Please, that’s all I know –”</p><p>“Don’t ever push your luck like that again,” Kageyama mutters under his breath before letting go of him.</p><p>The innkeeper straightens the front of his shirt with trembling hands, a layer of sweat covering his flushed forehead. “Listen – I don’t want to be involved in anything shady,” he begins nervously and shifts in his spot, making sure to step out of Kageyama’s reach. “So if – if you’re planning to do something to him then… please don’t drag this place into it.”</p><p>“Do something to him?” Kageyama repeats with a glare. “What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“I mean, if you’re out to get him then we don’t want to be associated with it.”</p><p>“I… I’m not a hitman, if that’s what you think,” he replies slowly and tilts his head in confusion. “Why…? Did he say anything to you?”</p><p>“No…” The innkeeper takes another step back, shifty-eyed. “It just seemed like he was in a hurry, that’s all.”</p><p>This gives Kageyama pause. Does he really come off as some sort of dangerous pursuer to this random person? He tries to recall if he ever said or did anything wrong, if he ever made a mistake so big it made Hinata want to run away from him, but his experience of their relationship of four years has always been a happy one. None of this makes any sense, unless of course he’s been living a lie all this time.</p><p>He stares down at his phone. The photo of Hinata smiles back at him, a snapshot from what now seems like an entirely different lifetime. Did he really head out searching for a stranger?</p><p>“Maybe he was running late,” he murmurs. “Thanks.”</p><p>Without another word he grabs his bag and leaves, not wanting to stay a second longer.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>A northbound bus could be headed for a number of places. Kageyama doesn’t know if his destination is minutes or hours or even days away, but at least he’s been pointed in a direction. That’ll have to do for now.</p><p>The morning sun filters sharply through his windshield, turning the rush hour queue into metallic gold and exposing the smog blanketing the city line. He drives for about half an hour until traffic is redirected because of roadwork. With an irritable sigh he turns off the expressway and follows the temporary directions that will continue to take him north. A glance in the rearview mirror tells him no one else seems to be going this way. Kageyama doesn’t think much of it; most commuters tend to be headed into the city after all.</p><p>He stops at a level crossing, the flashing red lights indicating that a train is fast approaching. He taps at his phone while he waits and brings up Hinata’s picture, which is now set as his lockscreen.</p><p>Maybe he’s been somewhat in denial.</p><p>Truth is they <em>did </em>argue recently, maybe no more than two or three days before Hinata disappeared.</p><p>Kageyama can’t remember what it was all about. Most likely it was an insignificant issue that snowballed into something bigger. They’ve definitely fought before, and so much worse than that too, but that small disagreement unlocked something. The atmosphere changed and revealed something simmering underneath the surface. Something else forced its way into their lives, something that was maybe always waiting in the shadows, just looking for a way in. Now that he thinks about it, Kageyama could feel that new presence, especially at night. Whenever Hinata was turned away from him he would imagine him wide awake and staring into the darkness of the bedroom, making eye-contact with whatever it was that hid in the corner. He didn’t understand but it terrified him deeply. Come morning he’d blame it on nightmares and sleep paralysis, even though he knew he wasn’t asleep.</p><p>A cargo train thunders past, waking him up for real. Kageyama locks his phone and puts the car into gear.</p><p>The traffic is lazy on this particular side road and after a few turns he passes a sign that informs him of a tourist spot up ahead. It’s a traditional castle, one he didn’t know existed out here. The signs seem to imply he has to pass it to get back onto the expressway, but the directions are only becoming more and more confusing the further he drives. He turns at the next intersection and continues until a big, black arrow tells him to pull into an open space. Slowly, he realizes it’s the designated parking lot for the old castle. This is where the redirected route ends. There are no further instructions from this point.</p><p>Kageyama lets the car idle for a while. The directions obviously sent him here but it makes no sense. He must’ve missed something and taken a wrong turn somewhere. No one’s even here. The parking lot is completely deserted, without a single visitor in sight. Sure, it’s a weekday morning and off-season but no tourist spot is ever truly empty.</p><p>He reaches for his phone with the intention of searching the place up, but before he can open the map his phone glitches and turns off. Kageyama tries turning it on again several times but all he gets is the black screen and a buffering symbol that isn’t even moving. He clicks his tongue, thoroughly annoyed by this point, and gets out of the car. This is a public place, according to the signs. There has to be <em>someone</em> around that he can ask.</p><p>The area is quite big and located at the foot of a steep hill. The castle sits on the summit, built precariously on top of jagged rocks and surrounded by dense woods. The roof is barely visible through the greenery, with black tiles jutting sharply skywards. A notice at the end of the lot points towards a narrow path that disappears into the trees. It looks like a hiking trail, probably leading up to the main attraction. Kageyama shrugs. If he keeps going he’s bound to run into people, surely.</p><p>The shadows are cool under the thick canopy of maple and pine. The castle has already fallen out of sight and it seems like the sky has disappeared as well, taking the sunlight with it. The forest is so dense it’s almost soundproof; even the birds are quieter here, chattering and singing from far away. Kageyama glances over his shoulder. The entrance to the trail is still there, the parking lot barely visible beyond it.</p><p>He turns back around when he suddenly picks up on faint voices. With rekindled hope of finally getting proper directions, he continues walking at a brisk pace for another hundred meters or so, at the same time wondering how long this trail actually is. The voices are distant, drifting towards him in oddly muffled echoes, bouncing off of the trees, yet somehow always staying ahead of him.</p><p>Kageyama slows down to catch his breath and squints into the dark woods. He does a double take and then remains still for a moment. He thinks he can make something out in between the branches. It looks like a structure of some kind, something man-made that doesn’t blend well with the natural surroundings. Puzzled and oddly transfixed, he veers off the trail and into the wild undergrowth. He steps over crooked roots and sharp rocks, the cold shadows gradually engulfing him, until he finds himself standing in front of a torii.</p><p>A literal gate is just sitting there in the middle of the woods. It’s ancient, covered in moss and vines, slightly lopsided from the wear and tear of time and weather. Through it he can see a narrow path of ascending stone steps. They’re covered in dead leaves and nearly overgrown with ferns and mushrooms, slowly crumbling into the soil.</p><p><em>A shrine?</em> Kageyama thinks, unnerved. <em>Out here?</em></p><p>He looks over his shoulder once again and catches a glimpse of the main trail through the trees. The distant voices can still be heard; this time they’re coming from somewhere above him, where he assumes the shrine must be. He didn’t see any additional information on his way here but maybe it’s just another tourist attraction connected to the castle. This place is so badly organized, he can hardly believe it. No wonder there aren’t many visitors.</p><p>Kageyama steps through the gate and places a foot on the first step, carefully testing it. It’s solid, the dead leaves dry and crunchy under his shoe. So he’s definitely not hallucinating this. He’s not sure if that’s good or bad.</p><p>The further he advances, the more overgrown the path becomes. At the halfway point he’s practically wading in dead vegetation, rustling leaves on top of slimy moss, and every once in a while he has to catch his balance. The crooked trees lining the path are leaning in towards him, creating a narrow tunnel, and he’s starting to worry that the whole thing might collapse.</p><p>It’s the sharp sound of a snapping twig that makes him freeze up. Kageyama slows down and glances around. There’s nothing behind him except the descending steps vanishing into the shadows. He supposes he could go back but he’s already come this far. It seems like a waste to not see the journey through. And the voices are still there, encouraging him to continue.</p><p>The sound of snapping twigs soon returns, followed by the intense stirring of leaves, like scurrying. It almost sounds like the way a spooked cat would move. That split-second’s reaction after it jumps into the air, when its legs are spinning on the ground grasping for purchase – that’s what the rustling sounds like; like an animal flitting around, spinning, scratching.</p><p>But it’s too big to be a cat – and it honestly moves too fast to be an animal. One second it’s behind him and in the next it’s to his left. He barely registers the change before it’s suddenly on his right. Kageyama wonders if there’s a pack of them, or if it could possibly have more than four legs, whatever it is. Part of him wants to check it out but another part of him – the one that is silently freaking out – is firmly holding him back.</p><p>So Kageyama responds with the only reasonable thing he can think of. He runs for it.</p><p>It’s difficult to navigate up the path. He stumbles over rocks, slips on leaves, and invasive twigs keeps snagging on his jacket as if trying to capture him. But he knows he has both speed and stamina, he trusts himself on that, and as soon as he sees sunlight ahead he gives it his all. His destination finally pans into view, fading out the shadows and breaking apart the towering trees.</p><p>Kageyama bursts out of the tunnel like he’s crossing the finish line. He skids to a halt, breathless. His back is burning with the stare of hungry eyes, drilling into him that shuddering feeling of having escaped by the skin of his teeth. It gradually fades away, slowly retreating into the greenery, somehow unable to cross this invisible boundary. There’s only breeze and birdsong left, as if nothing out of the ordinary happened. Even the voices are gone.</p><p>He turns his attention to the small and unassuming shrine in front of him. The black and red paint is flaky and faded, joined by a crumbling statue that he thinks is supposed to resemble a fox. It could also be a dog; half of its face is gone so he can’t really tell. He hesitates at the edge of the cobblestone path. He reaches for the stone basin next to him but discovers that there’s no water in it; the ladle is even rusted in place. Kageyama looks around. There’s no bell to ring and no coin box, either – nothing to indicate that this is a typical place of worship.</p><p>The shrine was probably built by locals a long, long time ago, before it ended up forgotten and abandoned in the dense woods. He can’t do much about that.</p><p>Still, he’s nothing if not well-mannered. He bows, presses his palms together, and closes his eyes. He’s just conjured up the vague image of a smiling Hinata in his mind when someone suddenly speaks up, the voice clear as day.</p><p>“How’d you get here?”</p><p>Kageyama snaps his eyes open, his beating heart lodged firmly in his throat. He was completely alone a minute ago, he’s sure of it. There are no other obvious paths leading up to this shrine other than the one he came from, and even if there were other paths they can’t be easy to navigate, not with the trees and the undergrowth. He didn’t pass anyone on his way up and there were definitely nobody passing <em>him</em> – and yet he’s standing face to face with two young men.</p><p>They look like ordinary people, like they just stepped off a tourist bus. The only exceptional thing about them seems to be that they’re identical twins – as well as the fact that they materialized literally out of nowhere.</p><p>“Huh?” he breathes out.</p><p>“We asked how you got here,” the one with golden blond hair repeats, head tilted as he regards him curiously.</p><p>“Uh,” Kageyama begins eloquently, eyes flitting between the identical faces staring back at him. “I – just… up the path? Behind me?”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“What do you mean…?”</p><p>“<em>How</em>’d you get up the path?”</p><p>“I ran,” he answers truthfully.</p><p>“How’d you run?” the silvery grey-haired twin asks, more of an impressed remark than a question.</p><p>Kageyama wonders if he’s walked straight into a riddle where the wrong answer will get him beheaded or something. As absurd as that is, his initial shock is replaced by irritation. He doesn’t have time for this.</p><p>With an impatient huff he replies, “I don’t know, I just ran for it.”</p><p>The three of them stare each other down for a while. It’s starting to get awkward when the blond twin suddenly disappears, evaporating into nothing. A split second later he glitches back into view, but this time he’s standing mere inches away. A grin slowly spreads across his face. It goes so wide his features begin to morph into a blur, turning into something animalistic, into something that’s not at all of this world.</p><p>“Think you can do what you want, huh?”</p><p>Kageyama’s knee-jerk response is fear, naturally. This is clearly a threat, served to him upfront by some entity that is probably capable of obliterating him on the spot. This being wants him to run away screaming, right into the maw of whatever’s out there waiting for him. It wants to win. Once he realizes this it pisses him off more than it scares him. It doesn’t really matter who or what his opponent is; Kageyama absolutely hates to lose.</p><p>“I don’t think that,” he grits out, stubbornly holding the creature’s gaze. “I’m just looking for answers. I have no interest in staying here, I got things to do.”</p><p>“He says he’s got things to do, Osamu,” the creature repeats incredulously. “This is stupid.”</p><p>“Shut up, Atsumu,” the grey-haired twin, Osamu, sighs. “We obviously can’t touch him.”</p><p>Something about they way they talk makes Kageyama think of ancient gods disguised as modern-day people. He gets the distinct feeling that he was lured here, and that he was supposed to walk right into their clutches like some fool. But something went wrong somewhere – or maybe something went right, considering how he’s still alive.</p><p>There’s an almost comically long pause before the one called Atsumu finally snaps back into his twin persona and pulls back. He crosses his arms, offended.</p><p>“You’re just like the other guy. It’s freakin’ strange.”</p><p>“The other guy?” Kageyama asks warily.</p><p>“Yeah,” Atsumu replies with a snarl. “The <em>other</em> guy.”</p><p>“We had another visitor,” Osamu explains, ignoring his sulking twin. “He also ran for it.”</p><p>“What’d he look like?”</p><p>The silver-haired twin quirks the corner of his mouth up in something that resembles a smile. “Fiery.”</p><p>The inside of Kageyama’s skin itches, his attention on high alert. He wants to show them the picture of Hinata and have them confirm if <em>he </em>is the fiery ‘other guy’, except his phone is dead and locked away in his car. Besides, he already knows the answer. He can feel it.</p><p>“When was he here?”</p><p>“<em>When</em>?” Atsumu repeats sharply, eyes narrowed. “What do you mean <em>when</em>, do we look like regular mortals with a concept of time or – ”</p><p>“Recently,” Osamu interrupts with a shrug. “Give or take.”</p><p>“Did you talk to him?” Kageyama asks hopefully. “Did he say where he was going?”</p><p>“Not really,” Atsumu murmurs. This time he squirms a little, rubs his hand over his arm in a comforting gesture, which makes him look oddly human. “Honestly, he was scary. Not that we <em>were</em> scared or anything,” he adds hastily, “but he had an attachment of sorts, something dark hovering over him. We didn’t wanna deal with whatever that was. It seemed bigger than us. And we're kinda a big deal, just so you know.”</p><p>“Yeah, he was being followed, alright,” Osamu supplies. “Or, rather, he had company that he couldn’t shake off.”</p><p>“But there’s nothing attached to you,” Atsumu says accusingly and points at Kageyama. “There’s just a void. That makes you even scarier.”</p><p>Kageyama ignores their frustratingly vague answers. All of this new unsettling information makes him feel targeted and he doesn’t like it. Riddles or not, he hopes and prays that he’s not the one Hinata is currently running away from. He’ll gladly accept anything, as long as it’s not that.</p><p>“Good luck on your search,” Osamu says simply. “That’s all we can offer, for what it’s worth.”</p><p>Kageyama bows once more, offers a polite thank you, and apologizes for disturbing them. When he straightens up the twins are gone, vanished into thin air just as abruptly as they appeared.</p><p>His descent from the shrine seems shorter somehow. The path still consists of the same decaying and overgrown stone steps but it’s wider now, the surrounding trees not as dark and imposing as they were on the way up. Kageyama makes it back to the main trail without seeing or hearing anything out of place, and when he reaches the parking lot he meets several tourists. He’s about to ask one of the tour guides for directions when he realizes the temporary signs for the redirected route are different. They aren’t even pointing towards the castle anymore; they’re actually telling him to drive right past it.</p><p>It takes him no more than five minutes to find back to the expressway. He must’ve been gone for hours but the glaring morning sun still hangs low on the overcast sky. It’s like time stood still in that place, rendering his whole encounter nothing but a surreal hallucination. Maybe he was right here all along, driving on the expressway.</p><p>Kageyama would’ve believed it if only his sneakers weren’t caked with dirt and dead leaves.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. I'd Go Anywhere (Even to the Ends of the Earth)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rush hour is long since over but traffic out of the city is terribly backed up. It was never this congested before and Kageyama is convinced an accident must have happened somewhere. People are filing out of the prefecture like they’re running away.</p><p>He spends some time jumping between local radio stations in hopes of stumbling across a traffic report, but there’s nothing. There’s only the same handful of songs, playing on loop over and over again. Kageyama turns the radio off and surrenders to the slow pace of the road.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>It was the bright splash of orange that caught his eye first. The first impression was so loud, and so ridiculous, that it demanded his full attention at once.</p><p>Kageyama had just stepped out for lunch when he found himself distracted by that color, completely out of nowhere. He did a legit double take, his mind stuttering, and he found himself holding on to the distraction instead of letting it go. A soft mess of unruly curls was the source of the color, and the curls belonged to a young man who was seemingly caught in an argument with a middle-aged salaryman.</p><p>“I told you, I just wanted lunch!”</p><p><em>An explosive color for an explosive personality</em>, Kageyama thought. Kind of annoying but at the same time mesmerizing.</p><p>“You asked for it,” the salaryman continued, voice hushed. “You willingly registered on that site. I have the right to request whatever I want from you.”</p><p>“What the hell – no, you don’t! You’ve got it wrong, it’s just a regular dating site!”</p><p>“So you expect me to spend money on you and get nothing in return? You gotta be kidding me!”</p><p>Even out of context it seemed like a petty argument, one that Kageyama couldn’t really make sense of – not until the older man forcefully grabbed the redhead by the wrist and pulled him closer. The response was a series of loud protests, causing several heads to turn, and for a second Kageyama thought he was about to witness a kidnapping in broad daylight.</p><p>His body acted on its own volition at that point. Without thinking he strode towards the unlikely couple and interrupted them with acting skills he didn’t even know he had.</p><p>“Oi – I’ve been looking for you.”</p><p>He proceeded to wrap an arm around the young man’s shoulders, making sure to physically separate the two. His wrist slipped free from the grasp it was trapped in, revealing pink marks on his skin. The salaryman stepped back in surprise, glaring daggers at Kageyama.</p><p>“Who the hell are you?”</p><p>“I’m this guy’s date.”</p><p>“<em>I’m</em> his date.”</p><p>“I’m his <em>boyfriend</em>.”</p><p>That gave the older man pause. “He told me he was single.”</p><p>“Oh, did he now?” Kageyama clicked his tongue, feigning frustration. “That was very naughty of him.”</p><p>“Look, whatever –” The salaryman shook his head, impatient. “You’ve wasted my time and I’d like some compensation. That’s it.”</p><p>“Well, I’d like you to leave – that’s it.”</p><p>“And what will you do if I don’t?”</p><p>Kageyama straightened up, a reminder of how threatening his height alone could be. “Why don’t you stay and find out?”</p><p>The salary man paused once again, his eyes twitching, but at last he saw no other option than to grudgingly accept his defeat. He made sure to thoroughly swear at them before stalking off.</p><p>“What a weirdo,” Kageyama muttered. “You okay?”</p><p>He removed his hand from the young man’s shoulder and finally got a proper look at him. His angry expression had changed, his tense lips now curling at the edges, the sharp intensity in his honey-brown eyes softening. A flustered blush blossomed on his cheeks and he rubbed the back of his neck. Kageyama couldn’t help but think he was really cute.</p><p>“I totally had it under control,” he replied, looking off to the side. An obvious lie. “But thanks.”</p><p>“What were you doing with him anyway?”</p><p>The color in his cheeks fully flared up before spreading all over his face. “None of your business, honestly.”</p><p>“Hey, I almost beat up that guy,” Kageyama frowned. “I’d like to know what I could’ve ended up in jail for.”</p><p>The redhead sighed, embarrassed. “Well, he found me on a site for singles and I kinda… I agreed to go on a date with him in exchange for a proper meal and some easy rent money.”</p><p>It took a couple of seconds for the meaning of those words to finally click in Kageyama’s mind. “So… you’re saying he was supposed to be your sugar daddy?” He smirked, amused. “It’s not like you’re gonna get much from a regular salaryman.”</p><p>“No, it wasn’t like that!” the young man protested vehemently, his blush nearly incandescent. “Or – okay, it was kind of like that… but the agreement was no sex! Like, ever! I thought it was a done deal but then he started talking about going to a love hotel and – I mean, a love hotel, seriously? Ugh, so retro. I was obviously stupid to think this was a good idea.” He stepped back and bowed deeply. “So sorry for causing you trouble. I’ll go home now.”</p><p>“Oi, wait –”Kageyama reached out to stop him. He nodded down the street, in direction of his favorite restaurant. “I was just about to get lunch myself. Join me.”</p><p>He learned that his name was Hinata Shouyou – he was six months older than him, a full-time college student (graduating soon), a part-time delivery guy (recently laid off), and clearly an extrovert. It turned out he was in a bit of a pinch money-wise, although he seemed like the proactive type; unwilling to give up but willing to try literally anything. On impulse, Kageyama ended up giving him his business card without really expecting anything to come from it.</p><p>A month passed before he heard from him again, and when he did it was in the shape of a simple text message that said,</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>wanna date for real?? i looked u up and ure ok lol i even got a new job so i can treat u! u down or nah?? ( ○`⌄´○ )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kageyama doesn’t remember what he replied. He only knows that he spent hours reading those words over and over, wondering why Hinata was talking to him like he was just any other ordinary guy, and why he hadn’t mentioned anything about his wealth. Looking up Kageyama’s name would result in articles upon articles discussing his net worth. And yet Hinata wasn’t asking anything from him – he was offering. It was one of the nicest, most genuine messages he’d ever received in his life.</p><p>From then on it was always the two of them, together in a relationship that sort of just happened. Kageyama had no idea happiness like this existed until he met Hinata.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>When traffic finally lets up the afternoon has already turned into evening, the landscape now enveloped by a burning sunset. Kageyama is just cruising along when something starts blinking bright red at the edge of his vision. It’s the indicator for the gas meter.</p><p>He swears under his breath, frustrated with the inconvenience but most of all confused. The tank was full when he left home and the car doesn’t consume fuel <em>that</em> fast. Good gas mileage was one of the reasons he even bought it. It’s a brand new model, too. He’s definitely going to file a complaint with the dealer.</p><p>Luckily he passes a sign that informs him of a gas station in the next town over, about one kilometer away. Reluctantly, Kageyama once again separates from the expressway.</p><p>The gas station is an all-night, self-service kind of deal, and it’s empty when he pulls up. He pays for his amount and fills the tank without anyone else joining him at the pumps. Not one car drives by while he’s standing there and there’s not even a single attendant in sight – or at least Kageyama thinks he’s alone. He keeps seeing movement out of the corner of his eye but when he turns around to look there’s no one. He fumbles with the hose and spills a little gasoline in his sudden rush to leave.</p><p>The exit from the gas station loops around into a bewildering one-way street and he realizes he has to swing by the town center to get back on the expressway. Kageyama looks at the dashboard clock, hesitant. It’s late enough as it is and he hasn’t had anything to eat or drink in a while. He doesn’t mind driving at night but taking a break won’t hurt. It’s probably the safest thing to do anyway. He’s not helping anyone by falling asleep behind the wheel.</p><p>He sets his sights on what looks like a cozy coffee shop and parks across from it. Out of habit he checks both ways before crossing the street and feels a bit stupid, as there’s not a single moving vehicle in sight. The streets are actually strikingly quiet. It’s true that it’s getting late but this town can only be described as deserted. There are plenty of cars parked by the curb but no people. It’s not even quiet in an abandoned way, like the aftermath of an evacuation or a natural disaster, but rather in a way that suggests everyone was interrupted before they suddenly disappeared.</p><p>He steps onto the sidewalk and pauses. There are cracks all over the asphalt, some small and narrow, others dark and gaping. All of them are practically sprouting with plants, insistent little ferns and roots that are crawling out of the void, like there’s a forest floor underneath the surface fighting to break free. The town is about to be conquered, or maybe even fall apart. Kageyama feels like he’s walking through a painting with no angles or edges, only endless depth. Someone roughly sketched this place into existence but forgot to fill in the blanks.</p><p>A faint rumble above makes him look up. He sees the thick contrail of an airplane, a faraway dot against the pink evening sky. He shudders a little. Something tells him it’s very easy to get trapped here.</p><p>The coffee shop seems to be the only place in the vicinity that’s open at this hour. The tall windows allow a warm yellow glow to spill into the street, and behind the partially frosted glass there are several silhouettes. A bell tinkles reassuringly above his head as he enters the premises and the barista behind the counter immediately greets him with a big, cheerful smile.</p><p>“Welcome! What can I get you today?”</p><p>They guy is athletic-looking and rather tall, with dark, wavy hair and scruffy stubble on his chin. His nametag simply reads ‘Nicolas’. A foreigner, Kageyama assumes.</p><p>“One regular coffee…” He hesitates, glances at the menu, but decides to skip out on the pastries. He’d just like to leave. “Um, to go, please.”</p><p>“Sure, coming right up!” the barista replies.</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>“But you have to drink it here.”</p><p>The last comment makes him look up from his wallet. He frowns at the barista, whose wide smile is now tinged with slight nervousness. His gaze drifts off to the side and towards the open door of the staff room, where two other baristas have appeared – one of them is fairly short, with white hair and a piercing stare, while the other one is the complete opposite, towering over all of them and wearing an apron that seems one size too small for him.</p><p>“Uh – excuse me?”</p><p>“You have to drink your coffee here,” the shorter one repeats sharply – Hoshiumi, according to his nametag.“</p><p>“Romero-san,” the big guy says, turning to the barista who took his order, “please remember to tell the customer right away.”</p><p>“Ushijimas’s right, we don’t want any awkward questions. We’ve been over this.”</p><p>“I’m sure there’ll be awkward questions anyway –”</p><p>“Wait –” Kageyama interrupts the discussion, starting to feel the same uneasy way he did back at the shrine. “What the hell kind of coffee shop doesn’t offer coffee to go?”</p><p>“This coffee shop,” Ushijima counters evenly. “It’s just the way it is, I’m afraid.”</p><p>“Guys –” Romero begins uncertainly. “Maybe we can… just this once…”</p><p>“No, we <em>can’t</em>,” Hoshiumi snaps, a panicky edge in his voice. “This won’t just magically end, you know.” He turns his sharp gaze back at Kageyama. “You want your coffee or not?”</p><p>Kageyama almost declines. He’s already suspicious and quite frankly a bit offended at the treatment he’s receiving as a customer. The town continues to creep him out in unknown ways but if he doesn’t get some caffeine in him now he’ll probably regret it later on in the form of an accident. He doesn’t want to go back to the gas station and god knows how many miles until the next convenient rest area. This is his best bet right now.</p><p>“Yes, okay,” he mutters, reluctantly giving up. “I’d like my coffee, please. It better be exceptionally good.”</p><p>“Let me show you to your table.” Hoshiumi steps out from behind the counter and gestures towards a table in the corner, by the window. “Your coffee will be served shortly.”</p><p>Nervously, Kageyama looks outside to make sure he’s still in the same place. His car is within view, nestled safely in between all the other cars lining the empty street. It’s funny how the shop can be so full when there’s not so much as a stray cat out there.</p><p>It’s in that moment it suddenly dawns on him.</p><p>Nobody is talking to each other.</p><p>There’s soft music playing in the background and muted noises coming from the kitchen, but the customers aren’t saying anything. The place lacks the usual murmur of a coffee shop. Kageyama can only hear his own pulse loudly in his ears. Something’s very wrong.</p><p>With growing dread he turns away from the window, his movements jerky, his brain protesting. From his table in the corner he can see the entire room. At first it looks like a normal crowd of all ages and sizes, all of them crouched over their coffees in deep concentration.</p><p>But the longer Kageyama stares, the more he realizes he’s just looking at shadow figures. He’s surrounded by shadows shaped like people… or people who have somehow turned into shadows. He can make out hairstyles and body types and fashion tastes – but no expressions. Everyone’s faces are dark, blurry, in various stages of transparency. Right across from him sits someone he thinks was once a young woman, her silhouette superimposed on the counter in the background. The image is warped, like he’s watching through a broken lens, but he can make out the outline of the cake display and the tip jar. He’s reading the words ‘HAVE A GOOD DAY’ through the transparent face of another person.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Romero appears in front of him, blocking his view. He places a cup of coffee in front of him, his expression pained and apologetic. “I know this is no consolation but it’ll be quick.”</p><p>Kageyama swallows, his throat dry, and he wants to ask what the hell is going on but he’s just not capable. He blinks at his black coffee, rooted to his seat. It’s strange but he feels a sense of belonging and responsibility here. If he leaves now he’ll abandon numerous souls, souls that need him for balance, and the despair is suddenly so strong in him that he couldn’t have moved even if he wanted to.</p><p>He glances at an elderly, nearly transparent man sitting at the table next to him. He simply vanishes right in front of his eyes, without fanfare. He leaves behind only his coffee cup and the little shopping bag he brought with him. Kageyama’s chest contracts in genuine grief. He doesn’t know who the old man was or for how long he was there but he feels like crying, as though he just lost someone important to him.</p><p>He looks down at his hands, palms down on either side of his now lukewarm coffee. He can still see the outline of his nails, always clipped short, as well as the tendons connecting to his knuckles and the veins crisscrossing over his skin, faintly bluish in the warm light.</p><p>He keeps staring at his hands for a good five minutes without anything happening. The more time passes, the more restless he gets, like the spell or whatever it is that’s trapping him there is starting to wear off. He clenches and unclenches his fists, moves them to gently cradle his coffee cup. Everything’s still tangible, still part of solid reality. The place is almost beginning to feel normal.</p><p>“How come it’s taking so long?”</p><p>Kageyama looks up and meets Hoshiumi’s eyes. The other two baristas remain behind the counter, regarding him curiously. He shakes his head, a little dazed, waking up from a slumber that never truly came to claim him.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Why aren’t you like one of them?” Hoshiumi jabs his thumb in direction of the nearest shadow figure. “Should’ve happened by now.”</p><p>The heartbreak he felt just moments ago over losing someone he’s never even known is replaced by burning irritation.</p><p>“How the hell would I know?” he presses out, jaw clenched. “I just wanted some fucking coffee.”</p><p>Hoshiumi tucks his towel into the pocket of his apron and crosses his arms.</p><p>“Yeah, sorry about that,” he sighs. “The town is just… like this. It wants certain things. People, mostly.”</p><p>“It appears it’s hungry,” Ushijima says, like it’s the most natural thing in the world for a town to devour its residents. “We’re one of the providers.”</p><p>“So… you’re just allowing unsuspecting people to – what? – disappear?” Kageyama stares back at them in disbelief.</p><p>“Honestly, we just work here,” Romero chimes in apologetically. “We <em>have </em>to work here.”</p><p>“All we know is that this is a hot spot of sorts,” Hoshiumi says and shrugs. “Usually the draining process works on everyone – except you, apparently. Oh, and that other guy who came in recently,” he adds thoughtfully. “He didn’t fade either.”</p><p>It’s the second time in only a few hours that someone mentions the ‘other guy’. He’s still too early in his journey to say for sure but Kageyama already senses an emerging pattern, a trail of footsteps that he keeps stumbling across. He reaches inside his pocket for his phone and shows them the picture of Hinata.</p><p>“Was it this guy?”</p><p>“Yes, that’s him.” Ushijima has moved to look over Hoshiumi’s shoulder and confirms this fact with a nod. “Do you know him?”</p><p>“I’m looking for him,” Kageyama replies quietly. “He – he’s my friend.”</p><p>“Well, he was here for sure,” Hoshiumi agrees and shudders. “The whole thing was weird to be honest. Threw us off for hours.”</p><p>“Did he say where he was going?”</p><p>“He just mentioned something about heading north.”</p><p>Kageyama slumps in his seat, disappointed. So his destination hasn’t changed into anything more specific. He’s only headed in a vague direction and he can’t really do much about it but continue on the same track.</p><p>“I’m sorry about… all of this,” he mutters and rises unsteadily. “Thanks for the, um… the coffee.”</p><p>“Hang on, I’ll pour a new cup for you,” Romero says hastily. “You can have it to go this time, it doesn’t matter.”</p><p>When Kageyama finally steps outside he discovers that the airplane he saw earlier is still there. It’s hovering in the exact same spot, right above the coffee shop, slowly turning transparent against the starry sky. The vines in the sidewalk have started to move, their tendrils swaying, as if cheering on the process.</p><p>He quickly gets inside his car and starts the engine, overcome by an urge to escape this frail paper town before he gets crumpled up with it.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>The company was the only inheritance his father left him. Kageyama took over on his twentieth birthday without knowing the first thing about running a business. Not long after he became the new CEO the struggling establishment quickly grew into an empire. He still has no clue how it happened. It’s almost like the company was waiting for him.</p><p>Hinata on the other hand has never liked what Kageyama does for a living. He nearly threw a fit when he offered him a well-paid manager position in one of his flagship stores. Even after they got together he held on to his shitty delivery job, and he faithfully stayed with it until he graduated.</p><p>In Kageyama’s opinion his company isn’t anything special. It’s nothing more than a large chain store; he just happens to own all the links in said chain. Hinata claims he’s too detached from the people carrying out the job for him, but Kageyama thinks he cares about his employees just enough. He makes sure they receive Christmas bonuses every year, plus an additional gift like a vase or a cutlery set or a wine bottle with the company’s name seared into it lest they forget whom they work for. He’s not a terrible boss. His employees are fine. He’s not worried about them.</p><p>He’s only ever worried once in his whole career and it was when he fired Kindaichi, followed by Kunimi not long after. They were both his most trusted board members and yet he let them go. He genuinely hated the way they fell out, how unnecessary and messy that whole ordeal was. He didn’t want them to possibly abandon and disappoint him, so he pushed them away before they could. Neither of them took it very well but that’s just how business is sometimes.</p><p>At the end of the day it doesn’t matter how he runs his ship. It’s his career that allows him to live a good life together with the person he loves. That’s what’s most important to him, to effortlessly provide safety and comfort. He doesn’t know why Hinata dislikes it so much.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>The unsettling cracks in the sidewalk made him choose the mountain road over the expressway. It’s a bit of a detour but he doesn’t care.</p><p>He drives all night until the sun peeks over the horizon and the winding road finally descends. So far he’s spent much longer time on traveling than he expected. Japan is bigger than he thought and driving around in search of a person is easier said than done. He’s literally looking for a needle in a haystack. Maybe there <em>is</em> a chance that Hinata doesn’t want to be found… but he doesn’t want to think about that.</p><p>The town at the foot of the mountain is possibly even smaller than the one with the strange coffee shop, but at least it appears to be normal. The shops have just opened and the early morning streets are beginning to fill with cars and people. Kageyama decides to stop at the first budget hotel he comes across. He’s not keen on sleeping in the car and his overnight bag has passed its ‘overnight’ status. What he needs is a room with a decent bed and a shower and he’ll be fine.</p><p>The hotel lobby is small and completely empty; not even the concierge is anywhere in sight. Kageyama rings the bell on the front desk and looks around. The pale morning sun falls in through the narrow glass door, cutting through the room in a beam of orange. The walls are covered in grey and beige tiles, with a couple of chairs and some indoor plants for decoration. The staff seems to have overwatered one of them; there’s a patch of dark water spreading out from underneath the clay pot.</p><p>Someone clears their throat and starts to welcome him to the hotel but the words have flipped into something else by the time he turns around.</p><p>“Kageyama… san?”</p><p>“K-Kunimi –?” Kageyama stammers, completely thrown for a loop. “You – what’re you doing here?”</p><p>Kunimi shrugs and the sunlight catches on the edges of his nametag.</p><p>“I’m working, actually. What’re <em>you</em> doing here?”</p><p>Manning the front desk at a budget hotel in some small no-name town is quite a long way from the influential position he held at the company. A stab of guilt digs into Kageyama’s conscience and he has to fight the urge to turn around and find somewhere else to stay. Maybe he should’ve just slept in the car after all.</p><p>“So… would you like to book a room –?” Kunimi prompts uncertainly.</p><p>“Um…” Kageyama struggles against the shame and embarrassment. “Yes… Please. Only one night, if possible.”</p><p>Kunimi makes no comment on why Kageyama is checking into a cheap place like this. He taps on the computer, slides a keycard over the counter, and tells him room 10 on the ninth floor is available.</p><p>“We don’t serve meals but you’re free to purchase snacks and beverages from the vending machine. There’s also a laundromat on the ground level should you need it.”</p><p>Kageyama collects the keycard but remains there by the front desk, hesitating.</p><p>“Kunimi, I –”</p><p>“Don’t,” Kunimi replies evenly, his eyes on the computer screen but his hands not moving. “You did what you felt was necessary. It is what it is. We don’t have to talk it out.”</p><p>They really were strong as a trio. They were a triangle with sharp corners that could withstand all attacks, from all angles. But as time passed more doubt and suspicion was added to their shape, and the rounder and more slippery the triangle became. In the end there was only Kageyama left, and because he was alone he had no choice but to become a spear, even though he knew he’d hurt their feelings. They were just bratty kids back then, really. Maybe in another life things would’ve been different.</p><p>“What I did wasn’t fair.”</p><p>“No, but it was business – right? Business isn’t supposed to be fair.” Kunimi looks up, his lips quirked into the tiniest of smiles. “If anything, I’m happy to be out of there. Consider it a blessing in disguise.”</p><p>“That’s… good. I’m glad it worked out for you.”</p><p>“Kindaichi works here too, by the way,” he adds. “Maybe you’ll see him around.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Kageyama nods. “I hope I do.”</p><p>“Enjoy your stay.”</p><p>He rides the elevator up to the ninth floor alone. A dull melody flows out of one speaker in the corner, the sound sharp and tinny inside the little box. There appears to be a skip in the track, making the same five seconds play on constant loop. Kageyama figures the building must be really old for it to still have elevator music.</p><p>His room is much nicer than expected. It’s bright, with latte colored walls and a bed by the window, which faces a quiet street. In one corner stands a simple desk decorated with a vase of plastic flowers, and a TV is mounted above the bed. The bathroom is tiny but clean, including fresh towels and a basket of complimentary soaps.</p><p>Kageyama shoves his bag under the desk and tests the softness of the mattress. Weariness immediately washes over him. He hasn’t slept in many hours and he’s really feeling the consequences now. He needs to take a nap first.</p><p>He sinks into the unfamiliar scent of the sheets, exhaustion draining him to the bone. He glances sleepily at the vase on the desk. The fake flowers are supposed to be white lilies, he thinks. They’re all the same length and size, stiffly assembled piece-by-piece, collecting dust. Bleary-eyed, he watches as the plastic lilies suddenly begin to rustle and move inside the vase. A second later they tumble onto the floor, one after the other, as if someone is deliberately pushing them up and out.</p><p>Before he can even question this, a set of fingers appears at the empty opening, slowly wrapping over the edge, thin and long and pale. The vase is too small for a pair of hands to fit in there – impossibly, ridiculously small. Kageyama drowsily wonders what else could be attached to those hands, if a face is going to peer over the rim any moment now.</p><p>He’s too far gone by the time his lagging brain has processed what he’s actually seeing. He reluctantly drifts off to sleep, a claw of terror gripping him tightly.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>When he wakes up the day has shifted into late afternoon. The plastic lilies are back in their place, no sign of them ever being disturbed. The pale fingers are also nowhere to be seen. He reaches out to look inside the vase but decides against it. It must’ve been sleep paralysis. He was lacking many hours of sleep after all; it’s obvious from the way he overslept his nap.</p><p>He takes a quick shower, changes out of his sweaty clothes, and heads out. The thought of staying alone right now makes him uneasy; he needs to see other people, even if they’re just unknown passersby. Besides, his stomach is growling loudly. Apparently he’s not just lacking sleep.</p><p>Nothing about the town itself strikes him as particularly strange. It’s impossible to tell just by looking around if Hinata was ever here, but so far they seem to be inexplicably drawn to the same places. Part of him regrets he didn’t at least consult with a private detective beforehand; maybe then he’d have a solid lead instead of fumbling around in the dark. The more he searches, the more he’s headed for the deep end, or so he feels. It frightens him just as much as it attracts him. He can’t make sense of it.</p><p>He settles for an old, hole-in-the-wall ramen shop that is crammed with little tables and chairs. To Kageyama’s surprise there are no customers, despite the inviting smell of food. He orders a large bowl with a couple of side dishes for an absurdly cheap price and picks a seat in the corner. He remains alone until he’s finished his meal, and it’s honestly kind of a shame. The food is tasty and filling and the place itself is cozy, albeit slightly old-fashioned. It deserves far more customers.</p><p>He’s halfway back to the hotel when he realizes he actually can’t remember the name of the shop. He made a mental note of it in order to recommend it later, but the name is like wiped from his mind. The harder he thinks about it, the more he seems to forget. He can’t remember what he ordered on the menu, how he got there, or even what the chef had looked like. Had he talked to the chef at all?</p><p>Kageyama slows down and tries to pay attention to the people around him. It doesn’t matter how carefully he concentrates; nothing about their features or expressions seems to stick in his memory. For all he knows they could be the same handful of people walking past him on repeat, just like the broken elevator music. There are fake plastic flowers in his room and fake plastic people in the streets.</p><p>He keeps his eyes on the ground and jogs back to the hotel, afraid he’ll somehow lose his way completely and get caught in the loop if he lingers too long. Once he’s in his room he decides to break the routine, make sure he doesn’t get stuck in anything. He gathers his dirty laundry in a bag and takes the elevator down to the laundromat on the ground level.</p><p>The room is basically a basement, flooded by the cold kind of light one can only find underground. Unsurprisingly, it’s empty. The washing machines are silent, the chairs in the waiting area old and worn. There are a couple of foldout ironing boards on the wall and a tall green plant is sat in one corner.</p><p>A sign by the entrance tells him how much it costs for non-guests to use the service. Hotel guests may show their key cards in order to receive tokens for the machines. A clerk looks up from the desk when Kageyama enters the room, but instead of exchanging the usual polite pleasantries they end up staring at each other.</p><p>It’s Kindaichi – the same Kindaichi who Kageyama fired a couple of years ago, in person. Kindaichi, his former right hand man. Kindaichi, who broke down and cried when he received the news of his termination.</p><p>“Kunimi told me you’d checked in,” he admits before Kageyama can say anything. “I… assume you’d like a token?”</p><p>“A – a what?”</p><p>“A token. For the washing machine.”</p><p>“Oh,” Kageyama replies stupidly. “Right.”</p><p>“Would you like one for the dryer as well?”</p><p>“Uh, sure… Thanks.”</p><p>Kindaichi hands him his key card along with what looks like two plastic coins. Kageyama closes his clammy fist around them, his laundry bag curled up in the crook of his elbow.</p><p>“We only offer a standard program of roughly forty-five minutes, so no mud or dirt or tough stains,” Kindaichi explains and nods towards the machines at the far end of the room, treating him like any regular guest. “You’ll find washing powder and fabric softener over there,” he adds and gestures at a shelf in the corner. “Feel free to ask if you encounter any problems.”</p><p>“Listen,” Kageyama begins hesitantly. “I’m really –”</p><p>“Don’t apologize,” Kindaichi interrupts him quickly. “You did what you felt was necessary – okay? We’re all just doing our jobs.”</p><p>Kindaichi was always full of empathy. Back when they used to work together, he was the expressive one, the one who was easy to read. It was one of the things about him that Kageyama appreciated the most. The Kindaichi standing in front of him now is different. His face is drawn tight and closed off, covered by a determined mask of distance and professionalism. It’s obviously a rejection; he could just as well have pushed him away.</p><p>Kageyama accepts it with a quiet nod. He can’t force Kindaichi to talk if he’s not willing; he doesn’t <em>want</em> to force him. It’s understandable, anyway. Nobody wants to have a conversation with the guy who fired them.</p><p>He heads to a washing machine in the corner, shoves all of his laundry into the tub, haphazardly adds some washing powder, and spends a moment figuring out how the system works before it agrees with him. It might turn out to be the longest forty-five minutes of his life but he keeps his back turned on the awkward silence and decides to wait it out, busying himself with his phone instead.</p><p>He seeks out Hinata’s photo again, a nervous yet comforting habit, but his smiling face only shows up for a second before his phone goes dark. The dead battery logo flashes, even though he’s certain the battery was over 80 percent. He frowns at his own confused reflection on the screen and realizes that someone is standing next to him – but it’s not Kindaichi.</p><p>Whoever it is they’re uncomfortably close. Kageyama’s first reaction is to look up but he can’t. His head is locked in place, as if someone is pushing him down, forcing him to double over; he can almost feel the weight on the back of his neck. From this angle he can only see the glare of the fluorescent lights on the linoleum floor and the soapy bottom half of the laundry machine, his clothes sweeping in and out of view.</p><p>There’s movement in the corner of his eye. He stiffly moves his gaze to his left and sees a pair of bare feet. They’re filthy, like they’ve been dragged through mud. The hem of a long, white dress also floats into view, ragged and torn – followed by hair. Long, pitch-black hair nearly blocks everything out. It’s tangled and dirty and <em>close</em>, practically hovering over him.</p><p>The person begins to speak, directly into Kageyama’s ear. The voice is no more than an unsettling whisper but it fills his head with a string of nonsensical words.</p><p>“Ignore her.”</p><p>Kageyama startles at the sudden interruption.</p><p>“Don’t acknowledge her in any way,” Kindaichi instructs him. “She’ll leave eventually. Sorry about the inconvenience,” he mutters in an afterthought, like he’s casually addressing an issue with the washing machine. “This one’s a regular here.”</p><p>Kageyama folds his hands tensely around his phone, his skin stretched tight and white around his knuckles. He’s trying not to listen but at the same time he can’t help but try to decipher what the apparition is telling him. The whispering is so obsessive, rabid, and intense that it’s hard to ignore. If he has to listen for a second longer he’ll go insane, he’s sure of it.</p><p>“I can’t help you,” he blurts out, desperate to make it stop.</p><p>“Hey –” Kindaichi hisses nervously. “I told you –”</p><p>“I don’t know what you want but I can’t help you.”</p><p>The frantic whispering stops abruptly, retreats from his ear.</p><p>“Whatever you’re looking for is not here, okay? Please leave.”</p><p>For a few seconds the atmosphere in the room turns heavy, oppressive. Kageyama’s phone flickers to life again and the weight on his neck lifts, leaving him light and slightly off-balance. He cautiously squints to the side and finds the spot empty.</p><p>“How… did you do that?” Kindaichi stares at him from behind the counter, pale as a sheet. “What did you say?”</p><p>“I just… I told her she’s got the wrong place.”</p><p>“We’ve already tried that,” he replies, dumfounded. “It didn’t work. How come it worked for you?”</p><p>Kageyama shivers against the cold sweat on his back, his shirt clammy and uncomfortable. A horrible feeling sits heavy in his stomach, a feeling that he just told a lie.</p><p>“I – I don’t know. I’m not a psychic or anything.”</p><p>“That’s the most aggressive I’ve seen her in a while,” Kindaichi says thoughtfully. “Reminds me of someone else who stopped by here to do laundry, just days ago. She showed up for him too, but his reaction was way different. He was straight up angry.”</p><p>“Angry?”</p><p>“Yeah, like he took it personally. Looked straight at her and told her to get out. I thought he banished her, honestly. All the lights went out and the machine he used short-circuited. It was scary as hell.”</p><p>This time Kageyama doesn’t have to think twice about it. He walks back to the counter and shows him Hinata’s photo. “Was it this guy?”</p><p>Kindaichi takes one quick look at it and then nods slowly, his eyes flicking suspiciously back to Kageyama.</p><p>“Why’d you have his picture? You know him?”</p><p>Kageyama has always been a private person. He’s never disclosed anything about his personal life – not with his colleagues, not with the media, hardly even with his family. Hinata was the only person he ever felt he could share anything with, and now he’s lost him, the one person who was truly <em>his</em>. Nothing breaks his heart more than having to admit this fact over and over again to every person he meets on his journey.</p><p>“He’s my boyfriend,” he replies quietly. “He’s missing and… I’m trying to find him, that’s all.”</p><p>His former right hand man squirms. “I shouldn’t be sharing a customer’s personal information –”</p><p>“I’ve been together with him for four years,” Kageyama pleads desperately. “I really <em>have</em> to know what’s going on. So please, Kindaichi – if you can tell me anything…”</p><p>“Well…” Kindaichi softens a little and he gives a half-hearted shrug. “He said he was on his way home.”</p><p>“Home? To Tokyo?”</p><p>“No, to Miyagi.”</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>That night Kageyama dreams of Hinata. He’s reunited with him, in their Tokyo apartment. They’re facing each other in bed, holding each other close, their fingers slotted together.</p><p>“I love you, Tobio,” the Hinata in his dreams says. “I love how safe you make me feel, and I love that you’re such a terrible liar. You’re a good person and I love you so much.” He smiles and leans in closer. “All I need in life is one good person. Just one.”</p><p>Kageyama desperately wants to tell him how much he loves him too, how much he means to him, but he can’t concentrate. He’s paralyzed. All he can focus on is the dark figure lurking behind Hinata. It’s so close it’s practically spooning him, one pitch-black and bottomless eye glaring over his shoulder.</p><p>The creature then slowly opens its mouth, a big gaping hole that keeps expanding until it’s impossibly wide, and Kageyama bursts out of the nightmare with a gasp, the sharp taste of fear on his tongue.</p><p>He sits up and glances at the vase on the desk. It’s been knocked over. The plastic flowers are strewn all over the floor and a big puddle of dark water is seeping into the carpet. He decides to immediately pack up and check out.</p><p>Both Kunimi and Kindaichi are there when he enters the lobby. It’s very early and the morning sun spills into the room, just the way it did when he checked in. Again it’s like a replay, like everything in this town is on loop except the three of them.</p><p>“Let’s stay in touch,” Kageyama suggests as he hands over his keycard. “Let’s meet again in the future, when our hearts are fully into it.” <em>And when this is hopefully over</em>, he thinks.</p><p>“Yeah,” Kindaichi replies, and there’s a glimpse of his old expressive self in his smile. “Let’s do it.”</p><p>Kageyama leaves the hotel knowing that said reunion will probably never happen, no matter how much he wishes for it. He’s not sure if he’ll ever see Kindaichi and Kunimi again. But they were genuine with him. They accepted his outstretched hand and reciprocated his feelings, without animosity or bitterness. If anything, he finds closure in that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. I’ll Follow You (Because I Love You)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kageyama got his first boyfriend in high school – or someone that came close to a boyfriend, anyway.</p><p>The guy was a year his senior; experienced when Kageyama was clueless but also dismissive when Kageyama gave it his all. He didn’t realize he was being strung along until he found out their fling wasn’t actually meant to go anywhere and that his senpai never wanted a real partner. So Kageyama took it upon himself to end the relationship <em>his</em> way: with a beating bad enough to earn him a suspension.</p><p>Being misled like that was in his opinion the cruelest thing someone could ever do to another person. The fucking asshole deserved it for treating him like pastime.</p><p>But that was then. In the end his senpai was nothing but a stupid high school boy.</p><p>It’s completely different with Hinata. Kageyama has never loved anyone so deeply and genuinely the way he loves Hinata. That includes everything about him, both the good and the bad.</p><p>Hinata, who slow dances in the kitchen, who points out strange shapes in the clouds, who pretends to read his palm, telling him there are meadows in the heavens and constellations in the earth. Hinata, who breaks plates in anger, who balances on bridges a little too narrow for comfort, who rides him intensely, insatiably, as if taking him fully is not enough.</p><p>Breakfast in bed or the three-day silent treatment – it doesn’t matter. Kageyama really loves it all, unconditionally.</p><p>But the Hinata he’s been searching for these past few days is unknown to him. He might be the same person but at the same time he’s not. The Hinata he thought he knew would never disappear this way. Kageyama isn’t sure if he can ever love him for it but he’d still upend the earth to find him, even if that earth terrifies him.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>He’s been here before but coming to Miyagi now is like entering a foreign place. It’s the countryside, where hardly anything ever changes. The roads are straightforward and familiar, mostly accompanied by fields and forest, but Kageyama feels like he’s crossed any random border. He knows where to go but he doesn’t know if he should be going there.</p><p>It takes half an hour or so to reach Hinata’s childhood home on the other side of the mountain. Kageyama parks away from the house, remaining in the car for a while. He’s unwelcome here, somehow. Hinata’s family pretty much lied to him. He asked them if they knew where he was and they told him they didn’t. Surely, if Hinata came to Miyagi they’d know. Where else would he go but here? They even had the nerve to act like they were suspicious of him.</p><p>He gets out of the car and slowly makes his way up the driveway. He doesn’t like how the gravel crunches under his feet. He doesn’t like how the crows are cawing in the distance. And he doesn’t like how quiet the house looks, despite it being only early afternoon. He keeps ringing the doorbell to no avail and deflates at the lack of response. He was ready for a confrontation, honestly. It feels a bit anticlimactic to be ignored.</p><p>Trying not to look too suspicious, Kageyama pokes around the property without running into another soul. The doors are definitely locked and he can’t peer in through the windows because all the blinds are drawn. He tries to get Hinata’s sister on the phone, even his mother, but he’s disconnected after a few rings. They could be taking a nap despite the odd hour but it seems more to him like the area has been vacated. The house isn’t simply empty and barred up. It’s been moved out of.</p><p>He scales the low fence and trudges down the dirt road behind the house. There’s a soybean field below, an almost endless sea of green flooding the landscape, leveling out against the hazy horizon. Someone is out there, a single lone farmer tending to the crops. The figure is small from this distance but the body language is unmistakable; the deep squat, the hunch of the shoulders, the arms repeatedly digging and pulling. Someone working diligently.</p><p>It’s literally the first human being Kageyama has seen since he got here and his heart makes a small, excited jump. Finally a living, breathing person he can hopefully ask. At least the entire area hasn’t been inexplicably cleared out.</p><p>He half-jogs down the path, his hand raised in a greeting, but before he can call out to them his throat closes up. His chest grows tight, his heart drumming away within the cramped space of his ribs, a hard fist beating him up on the inside. Kageyama drops his arm and stops abruptly, breathing heavily.</p><p>He knows this person. He used to hold his body in his arms, used to admire the curve of his back and the slope of his thighs, used to wake up to that familiar tangerine warmth every morning.</p><p>He remains still, unable to process, and the farmer slowly turns around, finally sensing his presence. For a split second Kageyama expects it to be a stranger after all – but no stranger would have those exact eyes, or those exact freckles, or that exact slope of their nose.</p><p>That’s Hinata.</p><p>Hinata – <em>his </em>Hinata – is there in the field, pulling weeds.</p><p>He drags the back of his hand over his forehead and stares at him, his expression filled with mild surprise.</p><p>“Hi,” he says in a familiar voice, his lips curling into a familiar smile. “You’re… here.”</p><p>Kageyama could have crumbled to pieces right there in the middle of the road. He feels everything all at once. He’s furious that the dumbass turned out to be here all along, but he’s also relieved that it wasn’t anything worse than that. He’s overjoyed to have found him but hurt that he even had to search for him. All he can think is <em>why?</em></p><p>“Shouyou –”</p><p>“Tobio – wait.” Unexpectedly, Hinata holds his hands up. “Don’t come over here.”</p><p>Kageyama freezes awkwardly in place, one foot already across the ditch, the other one still on the dirt road. He doesn’t get the chance to ask before his boyfriend gestures in direction of the tree line at the edge of the field.</p><p>“I’m sure you have questions so… let’s talk over there,” he suggests. “But we have to keep some distance between us.”</p><p>He doesn’t explain further, only starts crossing the field. Confused and very scared, Kageyama is left with no choice but to follow. He focuses intently on staying between the uneven rows of soybean plants, the soil slipping under him, his long since grimy sneakers uncovering pebbles and earthworms. He lifts his eyes and keeps them on Hinata’s sturdy back. The t-shirt he’s wearing over his thin sweater is old and ratty. There are dark patches of sweat between his shoulder blades, as well as stains of dirt on his shorts, and Kageyama struggles against the urge to rush forward and hug him tightly.</p><p>Hinata picks a spot in the shadow of a tree and tilts his head against the trunk. Kageyama joins him after some hesitation, making sure there’s a generous arm length’s distance between them. This is not at all how he imagined their reunion. The situation is surreal, almost formal, and after everything he’s gone through he can’t quite believe it. Maybe he went insane somewhere along the road. Maybe this is extreme wishful thinking on his part and he hasn’t found Hinata at all, he’s just wandering aimlessly around in a field, out of his mind. The only way this could ever feel real is a kiss or a hug – the smallest touch would be enough – but he doesn’t even have that to reassure him.</p><p>“So…” he begins, wavering. “You, um, you didn’t tell me you’d be visiting your family.”</p><p>“Yeah…” Hinata shrugs, looking a little guilty. “I’m sorry about that.”</p><p>“Did something happen?”</p><p>The autumn breeze rustles the dead leaves above them, creating a dry tune that echoes and fades into the shadowy grove behind them. Hinata pulls absently at the grass.</p><p>“I’m isolating for a bit,” he finally admits, hugging his knees. “Just until everything is over, hopefully. But I got really bored in the meantime,” he adds and gestures out at the field, “so I figured I’d do some volunteer work.”</p><p>Those words don’t translate into anything in Kageyama’s confused brain. He has no idea if this is a roundabout way for Hinata to say he wants to put their relationship on hold or maybe even permanently break up. It doesn’t make sense but Kageyama can’t do anything but believe him. No matter how frustrating or hurtful it sounds, he wouldn’t tell him to respect a boundary for no good reason.</p><p>“Okay,” he replies hesitantly. “Then… maybe I shouldn’t have come?”</p><p>Hinata shakes his head slowly. “I don’t think it matters much. I’m only keeping my distance just in case. I don’t want anything to attach to you.”</p><p>He exhales, quietly, his expression pained. His hand stops pulling at the grass but his palm remains pressed against the cold ground. Kageyama stares at his fingers, at the sores on his knuckles and the dirt underneath his nails, and he tucks his own hands between his thighs to keep himself from reaching out.</p><p>“I’m sorry I left without saying anything. I really wanted to tell you but it’s all kinda crazy, so… I didn’t know how to explain it. In the end it got so bad that I just had to go.”</p><p>“What got bad?” Kageyama asks reluctantly, his mouth dry.</p><p>“The monsters,” Hinata mutters.</p><p>He rests his chin on his knees and gazes out at the scenery, the chilly wind caressing his hair. The word ‘monster’ sticks with him like an echo and Kageyama realizes that this is the unfamiliar Hinata Shouyou he’s been searching for; the <em>different</em> boyfriend he can’t fully recognize. For the sake of their relationship he <em>needs</em> to know this part of him. He was never good with words and now that he isn’t even allowed to touch him words are more lost on him than ever. He can only sit there, useless, and wait for him to continue.</p><p>Hinata restlessly pulls on a long straw, ripping it in half before letting it drift into the air. Above them the clouds are reaching for each other. Soon they block out the sun, turning the sky more and more overcast.</p><p>“After my Mom had me she got caught up in some… stuff. It wasn’t really her fault but it stuck with me anyway, the consequences of what she did. I’ve been vulnerable to negative energy ever since. I’ve really tried my best to live a fulfilling life and surround myself with good people and things that make me happy, but…”</p><p>He trails off for a moment, looking tired and disappointed.</p><p>“Right after I met you I also had to isolate. That’s the real reason why it took me so long to get back to you. I really wanted to see you again, I was just waiting for things to go away. And it worked, it worked for such a long time, even when our relationship was a rollercoaster sometimes… But then they suddenly came back and I panicked. I told my family to lie if you asked and I tried to throw you off in case you’d go looking for me. All I wanted was to protect us but I was scared of what you’d think. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Kageyama stares at him. He doesn’t know what to say. He does feel a little betrayed but more than anything he’s confused. Hinata talks about these monsters like they’re only his to deal with… so why has Kageyama been running into them, too? Was he even supposed to? He’s found himself in random places with terrifying secrets, seemingly by chance, but if it wasn’t for those places he’d never known he was supposed to come to Miyagi. It’s not possible for it all to be coincidence. The monsters don’t make sense to him like they do to Hinata and he’s too afraid to ask. He doesn’t want to cause more anxiety and make his partner doubt his efforts. Wanting to protect goes both ways, and if he’s not allowed to hold him then keeping quiet is the least he can do.</p><p>“Is that why you’re with me?” he asks instead. “Because I’m a bad person that you were drawn to?”</p><p>Hinata’s expression twists in a moment’s panic. He looks at him, his body twitching like he wants to move closer, but he manages to hold himself back and hugs himself tighter.</p><p>“That’s not it,” he insists, his voice broken. “Sure, it would make sense if you were… That would’ve explained everything, right?” He bumps his forehead against his knees and groans, frustrated. “But you’re not. You’re not, not even when I doubted you and kept giving you grief for it, like with your job and everything. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t wanna lose you.”</p><p>Kageyama tilts his head up at the darkening sky, feels the wind picking up. The whole situation is a maze and they’re both running around in it, but at least it’s not him that Hinata is running away from. He told himself he’d be willing to accept anything but that. So from now on he’ll take anything, no matter what it is. He supposes he can deal with monsters.</p><p>“You won’t lose me,” he assures him. “I wish you’d told me anyway but it is what it is. If this is something you have to do then I support you. As long as you’ll come back to me in the end.”</p><p>There’s a glimpse of teardrops on Hinata’s eyelashes and he almost manages to wipe them away before they escape down his cheeks. “If you still want me.”</p><p>“Of course I want you, dumbass.” Kageyama moves his hand a little bit closer, as close as he can without touching. “I’ll miss you in the meantime.”</p><p>“Then I’ll miss you even more,” Hinata declares. “I’m not gonna let you beat me.”</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>Kageyama leaves without hugs, without kisses, without Hinata. There’s only his reflection in the rearview mirror, a vanishing point that remains unresolved for now. It makes him uneasy to see the passenger seat still empty, despite their combined efforts.</p><p>It’s pitch dark by the time he’s halfway over the mountain. He’s not planning on stopping anywhere or getting distracted by anything this time; he’s just going to drive straight home. If he doesn’t stop then he won’t face anything weird, and if he doesn’t face anything weird then he’ll be okay – or that’s at least how the logic goes in his head.</p><p>The scenery quickly gets old, even more so when everything is just darkness, so he turns the radio on for some company. He switches between several channels of noisy static before leaving everything up to auto-search. After a few seconds the radio lands on a random variety show. The host is in the middle of discussing relationship advice, their tone humorous and entertaining, and Kageyama easily lets his attention drift away and out of the conversation, satisfied with the background noise.</p><p>“<em>– so okay, you aren’t the crazy guy who drove your boyfriend away after all. That’s great news! Good for you!</em>”</p><p>Kageyama snaps back into his mind again. He frowns at the road ahead before glancing at the radio. Warily, he turns up the volume.</p><p>“<em>– is he really who you think he is? Is he who </em>he<em> thinks he is? Are </em>you <em>who you think you are? Isolating yourself is honorable but… I don’t know. Sometimes you’re simply too far-gone already. Sometimes monsters seek you out for a good reason. You’re right; it’s not a coincidence that you’ve been facing the same situations. Hiding won’t make things go away – you get what I mean, folks?</em>”</p><p>“What the hell…?”</p><p>“<em>Also, have you considered that you might be part of the problem? Maybe this would’ve worked if he were in love with anyone else but you. However… you belong together, don’t you? You need someone like him to fill that void, right? You need –</em>”</p><p>Kageyama slams the radio off, his breath heavy, his hands trembling.</p><p>“Shut up,” he whispers. “You and your shitty radio show, shut the fuck up.”</p><p>The words are barely out of his mouth before a noise interrupts him. It’s a dull repeated thump, coming from right behind him. His gaze flicks nervously to his rearview mirror, where he only meets his own terrified stare. It takes him a moment to realize the sound must be coming from the trunk.</p><p>A chill races down his spine, turning him cold and numb. He grips the steering wheel tighter.</p><p>The thump is insistent, unrelenting, but somehow it doesn’t sound right. If someone – or something – were stuck in the trunk then they’d shout or make any other noise to try and communicate with him. It wouldn’t be so monotonous and repetitive. Kageyama hesitates, forces himself to be rational. Maybe it’s just the car; maybe something has dislocated. He hopes not, because he doesn’t want to be stranded all alone on a windy mountain, but literally anything would be better than a monster in his trunk.</p><p>He slows down and stops at the shoulder of the road. The noise stops when the car stops. Kageyama bites his lip, cautiously relieved. So maybe it really is just a broken, dislocated part. He reaches for his phone, turns on the flashlight, and leaves his parking lights on to make sure the car is visible. He tiptoes around to the rear, takes a deep, grounding breath, and tears the trunk open. He immediately jumps a step back and floods the dark corners with his shaky phone light, frantically swiping the compartment. Apart from the emergency tire there’s only emptiness.</p><p>He kneels, tilts his light up at the car’s undercarriage. According to his limited knowledge there’s nothing that seems amiss or out of place. He gets up, brushes the dust off his jeans, and looks up and down the deserted road. Maybe he just imagined it. It wouldn’t be the strangest thing he’s experienced. It would actually be pretty mild compared to everything else.</p><p>In the end he shrugs, turns the flashlight off, gets back behind the wheel – and then flinches when the radio suddenly turns on by itself.</p><p>“<em>Did you forget what lies in your own character, Tobio? Did you forget what your father did?</em>”</p><p>Kageyama fights against his own panicked heart and tumbles out of the car. He throws all the passenger doors as well as the trunk wide open and stumbles into the ditch on the other side of the road. The car looks like a bug with its wings spread; a deserted, lit up carcass. It’s also stubbornly empty. It’s just him out here, in the chilly dark.</p><p>He reluctantly approaches the vehicle with cold hands and a racing pulse. The radio is off again and this time it stays off, even after he spends a good two minutes staring intently at it, daring it to crackle to life. If Hinata hadn’t unintentionally confirmed everything that’s happened to him, he’d believe he’s going insane right now. It honestly would’ve been better.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>After six hours of staying slightly above the speed limit he’s finally home. Kageyama locks himself inside the empty apartment, exhausted to the bone. He takes a quick look around the place, switches the lights on in every dark room. He finds nothing out of the ordinary; everything is still the same way he left it. No ghosts have been moving things around and the corners are occupied only by shadows. He feels no fear, no impending sense of doom. He’s just really tired.</p><p>He skips the shower and makes his way to the bedroom instead, where he flops onto the bed and promptly falls asleep, fully clothed.</p><p>Kageyama dreams that he’s six years old again. He’s standing in the hallway outside his father’s home office, eavesdropping to a conversation, one eye peering curiously through a narrow crack in the door. The room beyond is almost pitch-black, filled with boxy shadows and unmoving silhouettes. His father is busy talking to someone sat just out of view, a stranger whose voice is… unnatural. It’s distorted, with an undertone of something that reminds Kageyama of static, like it’s coming through a set of tiny speakers. Is the conversation happening over the radio? How’s that even possible?</p><p><em>Instant success</em>, the unknown voice says, as though it’s a suggestion. <em>Is that what you want?</em></p><p>“Well…” his father replies nervously, once the lagging static subsides. “Right now I think instant success would seem odd, considering the state of the company. There’ll be awkward questions and I don’t want a bad reputation.”</p><p>
  <em>You want it to seem like organic growth?</em>
</p><p>“Yes, if possible.”</p><p>
  <em>Why? At this rate your time will be up before you can enjoy the result.</em>
</p><p>“I know!” His outburst ends on a choked, trembling whisper. “I know that… But this isn’t for me, it’s for my son. I’d like the business to stay afloat until he’s old enough to take over, that’s all. I just want what’s best for him. I don’t want him to inherit my debt and the threats that come with it.”</p><p><em>So it’s a father’s sacrifice</em>, the voice says, slightly amused. <em>Are you sure you want to go through with this without consulting your son first?</em></p><p>“What else can I do? He’s only six. He won’t understand.”</p><p>
  <em>Making a deal on behalf of someone else leaves a void. If something should come along and fill that void in the future, then… I’m afraid we’re going to see some changes. Your sacrifice will be for nothing.</em>
</p><p>“I promise I’ll teach him to be careful,” his father says quietly. “But please, I have really tried everything. I’m desperate.”</p><p>There’s a long pause that makes Kageyama nervous, his small palms sweaty against the wooden door, his pulse racing.</p><p>
  <em>Then seal the deal.</em>
</p><p>He can hear his father release a shaky breath, soon followed by a stifled groan of pain. The response is a loud buzz that fills the space entirely. It’s so invasive that Kageyama instinctively clasps his hands over his ears, the itching sound drilling into his mind. The noise rises into a painful crescendo before it abruptly stops, leaving a vacuum that makes his ears pop.</p><p>There’s a bit of heavy breathing and shuffling in the dark, before the lights are suddenly switched on, startling him. The sound of footsteps circles the space and then approaches the door, moving closer to him, and he quickly darts into his room across the hall. He’s clutching a toy car in his hands when his father checks in on him and Kageyama tries not to look too guilty. He doesn’t understand why but something tells him that whatever happened just now was not for him to hear.</p><p>“You alright, Tobio?”</p><p>His father is pressing a handkerchief against his palm, which is bleeding from a thin, long wound. Kageyama doesn’t comment on it. He only nods wordlessly and receives a warm smile in response, as if nothing out of the ordinary happened, and his six-year-old mind simply forgets.</p><p>He wakes up to the dark present of the apartment and he realizes, for the first time in many years, that it wasn’t just a dream.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>In all his years until his sudden death on Kageyama’s twentieth birthday, his father never really taught him to be particularly careful, like he promised he would. Kageyama doesn’t know if he simply forgot or if he was just too dense to truly grasp the gravity and the consequences of his actions. Had he been old enough to realize what was happening he would have intervened, or at the very least reminded him of it, but like his father said; he was only six.</p><p>It’s not too late yet to exercise caution, however. Sometimes all you have to do to keep the plane from crashing is to shed some excess weight.</p><p>“What do you mean you’d like to resign?”</p><p>Oikawa, the vice president of the company, peers at him from the leather sofa in the corner and untangles from his relaxed position.</p><p>“I mean exactly that,” Kageyama says as he absently scrolls through his emails. “I think it’s time to call it quits.”</p><p>“Bullshit.” Oikawa leans back again, arms crossed. “You haven’t even hit thirty yet. It’s no time to call it quits. You gotta be planning something.” He narrows his eyes in suspicion. “Wait – are you trying to jump ship? Did you fuck something up?”</p><p>“It’s not that deep.” Kageyama sighs, rolls his eyes. “I’m just stepping down. Money isn’t everything anyway.”</p><p>“I disagree.” Oikawa hesitates. “So… you didn’t call me to your office to fire me?”</p><p>“Um… no?”</p><p>“I mean, you never call me to your office! I assumed the worst.”</p><p>“Why would I fire the vice president?”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know… Maybe in the same way you fired Kindaichi and Kunimi?”</p><p>Kageyama closes his laptop and shrugs. That’s confirmed water under the bridge now. It can’t hurt him anymore, no matter how badly certain members of the board want to use it against him.</p><p>“Well, I’m not firing you. I’d like you to take over the company, actually.”</p><p>Oikawa snorts an incredulous laugh, ready to fire back a retort, but he abruptly stops when Kageyama doesn’t respond. After a thoughtful moment he emerges from his corner and takes a seat in front of the desk, his full attention now caught.</p><p>“Are you serious?”</p><p>“When am I not?”</p><p>He struggles processing the information, his doubt slowly turning into scrutiny. “You’re seriously saying that <em>you</em> would like to give the company to <em>me</em>? And I don’t have to fight you for it?”</p><p>“Yeah, why’s that so weird?” Kageyama shrugs again. “I’ll sell all my shares and leave the company in your hands. You’re the vice president after all. Makes sense to me.”</p><p>Oikawa is a more than competent businessman, as far as Kageyama is concerned. He’d even say he has a talent for it, which is also why he’s willing to trust him with the task. The company has grown into an entity of its own over the years. He doesn’t know how it’ll react to a new owner. Oikawa will either continue on to bigger successes or run the ship into the ground. There’s no in-between. And either way is honestly fine with Kageyama.</p><p>“You’ve wanted to rule an empire all by yourself, and especially this one,” he continues. “It’s okay to admit it. So I’m offering it to you. I’ve already profited enough to be set for a lifetime.”</p><p>Oikawa’s hesitant pout twists into a smirk, a twinkle in his dark brown eyes.</p><p>“If you’re giving it to me then obviously I’ll take it, I’m not stupid. Makes you wonder though, doesn’t it, Tobio-chan? Your father built this company up from the ground. Shed blood, sweat, and tears for it, no doubt. What would he say if he knew you’re planning to give it away, just like that?”</p><p>Everyone thinks like Oikawa does. Everyone believes the company was built from nothing and everyone’s proud of that fact. Only Kageyama knows that’s not true. His father didn’t work for it so much as he sold his soul. Quite honestly a terrible business decision, in his opinion.</p><p>“My Dad’s dead. It’s not like he’ll know.” Kageyama looks his vice president square in the eye and smiles. “Good luck, Oikawa-san.”</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>Two extremes can cancel each other out. Two opposites can create balance instead of a reaction. An attachment made to fill a void isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There’s always shadow where there’s sun. Soulmates are meant to be, no matter the state of the souls involved. Kageyama continues to reassure himself in any way he can.</p><p>He’s made a lot of changes recently. Apart from resigning as CEO, he’s anonymously donated a big part of his fortune to various charities. He’s also in the process of selling the penthouse apartment in favor of a smaller and cheaper one, which he’s sure Hinata would approve of. He doesn’t know if it matters or if he’s just making decisions in quiet panic, but at least he’s trying to do something. He’s getting rid of excess weight. There’s no way of telling from his actions alone if he truly is a good person – or if he at the very least isn’t an <em>entirely</em> bad person. It remains to be seen.</p><p>“Tobio! Finally!”</p><p>Kageyama has barely stepped out of the car before Hinata bursts through the front door and practically barrels into him. He stumbles from the impact but embraces him tightly, breathes in the scent of him, takes in his warmth. It’s been over a month since the last time he found him here in Miyagi. It’s been <em>so</em> long.</p><p>“I missed you so much,” he murmurs into his neck. He pulls back a little and cups his face in his hands, studies his face intently. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“Of course!” Hinata beams up at him. “Especially now that you’re here.”</p><p>He’s a little different now. Kageyama can’t put his finger on it but he’s convinced something must have worked for him while he was isolating. He leans down and kisses him deeply, a kiss that definitely still feels the same.</p><p>“Let’s go home.”</p><p>“I’ll drive,” Hinata insists with a grin and fishes the car keys out of Kageyama’s pocket. “You just relax.”</p><p>He says it so casually, as if all he really did the past month was help out on the nearby farm instead of trying to fix the consequences of his mother almost giving up her first-born child to the devil, or whatever the hell she did. Kageyama doesn’t know the details and he doesn’t <em>want </em>to know. He just wants to get out of there. No offense but he hopes it’s a long time until they visit his family again.</p><p>They file onto the expressway at first opportunity, steering clear of the mountain roads. Kageyama brings up the recent changes he’s made and Hinata perks up, immediately letting him know that he approves and that he’s been thinking the exact same thing. Enthusiastically, he launches into suggestions of what apartment they should buy, new work opportunities, and even the possibility of raising a pet together. It’s so nice to listen to him talk like this and Kageyama sinks into his seat, sleepy and satisfied. A small part of him still can’t believe that the two of them are here now and that nothing seems off. Everything really is the same between them.</p><p>He leans his elbow against the window. The scenery passes by in a blur, the green landscape gradually remolded into urban structures, and soon the city engulfs them.</p><p>“I remembered something,” he says after a long stretch of silence. “Something that happened when I was little.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“My Dad tried to sell his soul to save the company.” As absurd as those words are, they easily roll off his tongue, and he’s a little surprised. “It was probably just a scam, though,” he adds jokingly. “I thought it was funny, how both our parents got caught up in weird shit.”</p><p>He waits for Hinata to ask whether he meant it literally or figuratively, but he remains unresponsive long enough for him to start wondering. He turns his head to look and finds his boyfriend staring ahead at the road, unblinkingly. His smile is gone, his expression locked between doubt and surprise, like he forgot to do something and just now remembered. Kageyama almost expects him to say he forgot to lock the door or turn the stove off. Something like that.</p><p>“Shouyou?” he prompts uncertainly.</p><p>“You… you never told me that.”</p><p>“Well, I only remembered it recently… I was like, six at the time.”</p><p>“Right,” Hinata breathes out. “That… makes sense. That makes a lot of sense, actually. No wonder it felt like…” He quietly trails off, hands gripping the wheel.</p><p>“Felt like what?” Kageyama asks apprehensively.</p><p>Hinata hesitates for a brief moment before his wide smile is back, familiar yet different, and the setting sun twinkles in his bright curls.</p><p>“Nothing!” he replies cheerfully and turns into the parking garage. “I just believe you, that’s all. I mean, why not, after everything that’s happened.”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>Kageyama exits the car and trails after him towards the elevator. He doesn’t know why but what he always had with Hinata feels even stronger now. Maybe it’s the fact that Miyagi has now been left far behind them. Maybe it’s because they’re together in this again. Or maybe he just missed him. He reaches out and grabs Hinata’s hand, lacing their fingers together. Things usually sort themselves out in the end.</p><p>He doesn’t notice the cracks in the concrete floor until the elevator begins its descent towards them. Kageyama frowns at the sight, not sure if they were always there or if they’re new. He doesn’t get to question it before the elevator dings, playing a small tune that slowly loops, and Hinata eagerly pulls on his arm.</p><p>“This is kinda a new start, isn’t it? A new start for just the two of us.”</p><p>“If that’s what you want it to be.”</p><p>“I do want that,” he replies softly. “I really do.”</p><p>Kageyama glances at him. His face is halfway hidden in the shadows but a small smile lingers at the corner of his mouth. This is his deep end, he realizes, right here. And it feels satisfying, now that he’s no longer alone. Slowly, he brings his boyfriend’s hand up to his mouth and presses a kiss against his knuckles. It feels good, being strong.</p><p><em>I love you</em>, he thinks. <em>This part of you, as well.</em></p><p>“Hey, Tobio...” Hinata watches on as narrow tendrils start crawling out from beneath the cracks and the elevator doors slide shut, leaving them both in darkness. “Let’s change the world.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>Looking for heaven, found the devil in me<br/>
</em> <em>Looking for heaven...</em></p><p>
  <em>Found the devil in me</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>End lyrics by <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwnKedkbCEg">Florence + the Machine.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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